Thursday, May 23, 2013

I Climbed a Mountain

You see that awesome woman?  That's me in July, 2011.
You see that behind me?  That's Ketchikan, Alaska and the Inside Passage.
You see me up in the air?  That's Deer Mountain.

I was cleaning out my phone yesterday and found this forgotten snap my brother took.  I feel particularly proud when I look at this picture.  It was REALLY HARD and I did it.  By the time I got back down, my legs were jelly, my knees were shot, I was drenched, and I have never felt so good in all my life.

I climbed with my retired US Marine of a brother, and his athletic wife.  I am not a svelte individual.  My father, in the most loving manner possible, offered several times to come get me if I needed him.  He insisted I take my cell phone to call if I got stranded.  Dad reminded me several times in the days leading up to my adventure that there was no shame in turning around and coming down early.  My dad is kind and consistent, so none of this was entirely a surprise.  However, it just drove my stubborn streak deeper, and pushed me harder (who knows, that may have been his intent).  By the time I reached the bottom I think I was at least half an hour behind my brother and sister-in-law, but I DID IT.

Tenacity is something I have in spades.  For some reason, I forget that about myself until it rises up at the moment of need.  I am a strong person, I know how to push myself when I have to.  This is something that I neglect to resource so very often.  I have always been proud of my stick-to-it nature, my stubborn drive when pushed.  When it comes to physically accomplishing something, proving my I CAN, I am most certainly not a quitter.

The great challenge is finding this same drive when it is not imperative.  I give up on myself a lot, feeling like a failure or like I am ugly and unworthy.  This stubborn nature of mine, this dig-deep strength, is just as much a part of me as anything else.  I wonder why I push it away or hide when it could really serve me the most.  Where is that trigger, the one deep inside that fires when the pressure is on?  How can I reach it when I want it, when I am not an an adrenaline rush or physical challenge?  What will it take for me to be able to reach it on request?  I deserve it.

I deserve BEAUTY in my life!

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