Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Meatballs of Love

At supper a few nights ago, there was a lot of love flowing around the table from my family.

"Thank you for meatballs, Mommy!"
"Mommy's meatballs are my favorite!"
"I love it when you make meatballs, Mommy!"
"Dinner is delicious, hon."
"I love Mommy!  I love Daddy!"

I realized part way through that it was all glancing off of me, I wasn't just soaking it in.  That is to say, I noticed that for some reason I was blocking all of this positivity before it could reach my soul.  There was an outpouring of beauty, freely and joyfully given, and I was denying myself the right to receive it.

In the flip side of that, I ask why do I soak in and absorb all of the negativity?  When my kids squabble, or throw tantrums, or I lose my temper...I absorb it instantly.  I tend to welcome it with open arms into my heart in order to tread on my spirit.

None of the ugliness is said or done with any more sincerity than the beautiful comments.  Everything my children and my husband said at dinner was with love and gratitude, and it was all sincere.  Once I realized what I was doing to myself, I opened my ears and my heart a little bit wider.  I smiled into each face and really took in the shining light of their love.

When good or loving things happen, I don't tend to ask "Why me?" or dwell on them with the same ponderance as I do with bad things. It is odd to me that it is harder to internalize praise and joy than it is negativity and judgment.

I am excited about this realization; I now have another tool.  I can be more watchful for the beauty to absorb.  I think I have blocked the frequency for so long out of some kind of feeling that I don't deserve or am embarrassed by the kind words, only hearing the ugly ones.  This was a fantastic reminder to keep that eye out for the beauty that exists all around me, tuning my radar just a little bit finer to pick up the little notes of love that flow in my direction on a regular basis.  It is all right there, right in front of me, ready to for me to gobble it up.

I deserve BEAUTY in my life!

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