Friday, May 3, 2013

I Promise I Will Never Tell

Last night I was reading with my 5-year-old daughter before bed.  She suddenly fell quiet, and in a tiny, sad voice she said, "Mommy, I need to tell you something..." and she proceeded to tell me about something she saw a few days ago that she is pretty sure she shouldn't have.  I was so proud of her for coming forward like that, even though the adult in me knew that it wasn't really anything of concern.

She was so embarrassed and sad, I felt bad for her.  We talked and she explained that it was a careless "oopsie" that she saw it.  I explained that if it really was an accident, then she did absolutely nothing wrong.  I could tell that she didn't entirely believe me, so I asked her if she wanted to hear a story about how I accidentally saw the same thing once when I was in high school.  As I proceeded to tell her my story, a look of relief washed over her face and she said my story made her feel better and less sad.  We discussed how, when we feel this way, it is really important to talk about it with me or another trusted adult.

In the end, she said she felt a bit better, but still a little embarrassed.  Then she asked me to promise to never tell anybody ever what happened.  I promised, and then even reiterated my promise to her this morning.  A promise to a child is a sacred and beautiful thing...whether what happened is a big deal or not in the grown-up world.

I came down from this conversation with a sense of relief.  So much of my time is spent fighting with and berating myself over my failures and shortcomings as a mother.  Even though I am not the poster-child for awesome parenting, I am doing something inherently right.  I love her so completely, and so unconditionally, that she knows she can trust me implicitly.  Of all the people in the world she can and deserves to trust, her mother should be the one at the top of her list.  And that is me.

How beautiful is it to know that my child feels she can share an embarrassing moment with no fear of shame. She was so nervous telling me, and her eyes became so vibrant when I empathized with her plight.  It was a truly beautiful moment between a mother and her daughter that I was so blessed to be a part of.  My love and acceptance of her will never wane, and my prayer going forward is that the strength of this love will always assure her that she can trust me completely.

My daughter deserves this beauty in her life.  Every little girl deserves a Mommy she can rely on.

I deserve BEAUTY in my life!

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