Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Beauty-Work in Progress

While I was at my most recent PTI weekend, two of my colleagues challenged me, let's call them "Ruth and Mike".  We were having a conversation that they simply would not allow me to disassociate from.  I didn't realize it at the time, but I was trying to deflect with humor and distract with sarcasm. I am so thankful for their intensity of focus.  We were talking about our progress, our journeys and our processes.  We were talking about this blog, and what it is about, and my goal of simply opening up to recognize the beauty that is already there around me.

What the #$*! Do We (K)now!? (2004) PosterThe evening before, we had watched a film called What the #$*! Do We (K)now!?  It is kind of slow to start, but ultimately talks about how we have so much more control over our surroundings than we believe.  My understanding is that this film is one you can watch over and over again and glean something new every time.

In one part of the film they talk about when Columbus was approaching shore, the Native people were unable to see his large ships.  They saw the ripples in the water, and knew something was afoot, but the ships were so far out of the realm of their consciousness that their brains simply could not take them it.  The tribe's Holy Man spent several days at the water's edge in meditation and eventually became able to see the ships. He went back and explained it to the people, and when they came to the shore they were able to see the ships as well.

Whether is this entirely true or not, I don't think it matters.  The take-away from the story is that there are so many things on our horizons that we simply can't see because our consciousness doesn't understand it.  How many times have I been wrestling with something, and then had an outsider make a suggestion that merits the response, "Of course!  Why didn't I think of that!  It is so obvious!"

Ruth and Mike challenged me to look at the beauty within myself.  Deeper than my skin or my physical being.  What about the beauty within?  I became so uncomfortable that I just wanted to bolt from the table.  They were so intense and sincere that I stuck in my seat to ride the course with them.

Mike asked me how long it had been since I sat with the beauty of my own spirit?  I tried to bluff around it, but he really stuck to the course.  Ruth said that I really need to first come up with the words, then I would have a framework for myself.  I thought that was a good idea.  I told them about how my daughter says, "Look at how beautiful I am today!" and how I have tried it a number of times for myself and can barely get the words out, let alone believe them.

We discussed how this is probably because those aren't my words.  The three of us tossed around ideas, and Ruth suggested, "I am a beauty-work in progress!"  and I really like that.

I am so thankful that Ruth and Mike pushed me in this conversation, and I am proud of myself for sticking to it.  I desperately wanted to brush it off with humor and run away, but part of me said this was a conversation that needed to be had.  I love them so much.

I am a beauty-work in progress.  I can own that.  It feels real to me.

I deserve BEAUTY in my life!

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