Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Seeing With Compassion

I had a huge Ah-Ha moment last night about seeing with compassion, it is huge and beautiful and makes so much sense in my mind.  I have been trying to articulate it, but the words are failing me: the more I try, the more I go in circles.  I'm going to attempt here to sort it out in writing.

My heart has always been my emotional center.  When I feel something, I can almost always feel the sensation in my chest.  Call me a bleeding heart, overly-emotional,  or overactive in the 4th Chakra, it's where my feelings tend to lie.

I realized that my PTI experiences this weekend (see my previous 2 posts) have created a shift for me.  It wasn't until I was having a deep conversation with my husband last night that I realized what my shift was.

I did regain my Power, there is no denying that fact, but on another level I rediscovered compassion.  I reconnected my heart to my eyes, or you could say my feelings to my understanding, or perhaps my Heart Chakra to my Third Eye.

Suddenly, I am seeing the light that others have.  It is easier for me to feel compassion for all of those around me.  When someone cuts me off on the road, I am suddenly drawn to see their light and have compassion for their situation.  They are so enmeshed in their own concerns that they don't have the capacity to value the safety of others around them.  This is a call for compassion.

During breathwork, while I was a sitter, my mind suddenly opened up.  I was watching my partner work through his process, and I felt a sudden elation and flow of compassion.  I went into the weekend with the intention of understanding what it means to really have compassion for others, and suddenly it struck me.  This is not an intellectual pursuit, it was something that needed to reveal itself to me in its own time.

There has always been a disconnect between my heart and my mind.  I know I am supposed to feel compassion for others, and I know I should strive to have love and concern.  I know that as humans we all have our own wants, needs, pain and joy.  This is all intellectual, and sometimes I feel pity and emotion.  But for some reason I have always struggled to do both at the same time.

In regaining my Power, I have regained my voice.  I have spent a great deal of time and effort trying to understand why I feel so insignificant and like my voice doesn't matter.  In Chakra meditation, it is my Throat Chakra (blue) that has always been a struggle for me.  Rather than vibrant and pure, the colors I see are dark and muddied, and the area feels cramped and constricted.

When I was doing Yoga in breathwork, I  felt open and powerful, everywhere except my throat.  My throat was constricted and each time I would focus there I would feel like I had to gasp for breath.  The night before I had been talking with one of my teachers about how there is a disconnect between my heart and my head, and I did some reading about the throat and neck.  I believe it was a delayed reaction, but after my breathwork, my throat started to open.  When that occurred, the flow between my Heart and my Third Eye suddenly exploded and compassion began to radiate out of me.

This is a huge ah-ha for me.  I felt a swelling in my chest, and in my mind.  I felt a sudden surge of energy and relief.  It all makes sense to me now, and it all happened without me trying.  There is a sudden connection between my heart and my mind that is growing, and I can feel it.  The world looks a little bit different to me, I can see the spirit of the person I'm looking at - beyond just their mass and form on this earth.  It is an amazing sensation, and it took me three days post-PTI to even begin to understand what was going on.

I regained my personal Power, and I also opened up a channel to see the light and beauty that is present in every person I encounter.  The compassion I feel is a deep connectedness, and I am overwhelmed and blessed!

I deserve BEAUTY in my life!

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