The kids and I went to Fred Meyer, and things were going well. I was feeling good, I felt very present, and I thought I was existing consciously. After getting the kids out of the car, we went a few feet and I had to return and make sure the door was locked. This should have been an indicator to me that I wasn't quite as present as I thought I was, because I was completely blank and have no memory of locking the door. My attention was fractured between my coupon binder, the 5-year-old grabbing a cart, the 3-year-old whining about getting out of the car, and the fact that I smashed my shoulder on the mirror of the truck next to us.
After my shopping was complete, I realized that my keys were nowhere to be found. Much to my own surprise, I didn't panic, sweat or start shaking - even when I was talking to customer service, running out to peek in my car window, or retracing my steps. As soon as I realized they were missing and felt my blood pressure on the rise, I sat down on a bench and took three deep, cleansing breaths. I continued reminding myself to breathe, and repeating over and over, "Remain present...Remain present...Remain present..." I'm actually quite proud of myself, because this shows that I've made some progress.
I called my husband at work. Should I call AAA? What could they do? Open an unmoving car.
I am so thankful that Fred Meyer has their Playland. It is a beautiful thing to be able to drop the kids off for an hour of free childcare while I am shopping. Today I was doubly thankful because it was easier for me to keep my stress in check by knowing that the kids were taken care of.
Unsure of what to do next, I decided to take the kids and walk across the lot to a restaurant for supper. As we were getting jacketed up, the keys fell out of the 3-year-old's pocket. How did HE get the keys? Why were they in his pocket? At what point between locking the door and my general practice of putting them in my purse did they get intercepted? I called my husband again and he got a good laugh out of it...which in turn prompted me to be amused rather than frustrated.
I was so sure that I was present and conscious. That should have been my first signal that I was clearly not present. There are a few lessons I have taken from (or at least reinforced through) this experience:
1) If I am confident in my consciousness, I need to take a deep breath and re-evaluate.
2) If I need to double-check if the door is locked, I need to ground myself.
3) There is always enough time to sit down and take three deep breaths.
4) Laughing at the end of a "duh" moment makes it so much sweeter.
And MOST importantly...
5) Don't let the 3-year-old have the keys.
I deserve BEAUTY in my life!
No comments:
Post a Comment