Friday, April 5, 2013

Breathing in the Moment

A few days ago I was, again, stressing about failure and how my self-talk has reverted to that unhealthy state.  I was so wrapped up in my own bad feelings that it took a while for me to realize how well-behaved my children were being.  They were laying side-by-side on the living room floor, staring at the ceiling and pointing.  I tip-toed closer and realized they were pointing out the moon and stars to each other and were fully engrossed.

I decided that what I was doing really wasn't as important as imaginary constellations on the ceiling, so I asked if I could watch the sky with them.  The kids said, "Sure!" and scooted apart to make a space for me. I laid down with them and for a good 15 minutes we pointed out constellations and the different colors of the moon.  I am thankful that I pulled myself out of my funk to participate in such a beautiful experience of imagination.

Yesterday, my kids got some new-to-us books from one of my friends.  They love books so much, and of course they begged me to read every one of them right away.  With a child on each side, I read a delightful book about a mother raccoon's love for her babies called A Pocket Full of Kisses. I had a kid pressed tightly in on each side of me, one with giant unicorn pillow-pet that kept getting in my way, one with football clutched to his chest.  I couldn't breathe and I was a bit cramped, and it was the happiest I've been in weeks.

I had to stop in the middle and close my eyes.  I took a deep breath and soaked it in as deeply as I could.  I had to drink in the moment.  When I close my eyes and breathe deep, I can feel myself going back there.  This moment is one that I wish to anchor and firmly as possible.

The same friend loaned us some fun kid-style Rock and Roll CD's with books.  They are crazy. I mean, have you ever heard of a singing duet between Kate Winslet and Weird Al Yankovic?  I kid you not:  it exists.  It is called "I Need a Nap" in the book Dog Train by Sandra Boynton.  My kids decided we absolutely had to dance, so I did the Broccoli Dance, I did some sneaking like a bear, I banged on a few pots and pans, I waddled like a penguin, I laughed and laughed with my kids.

My children are in a large part responsible for helping me through my funk.  I'm not entirely out of it yet, but they have provided me with so many opportunities for clarity.  All it has taken is a few moments of letting go and allowing myself to disappear into their whimsy to find clarity.  Again I am reminded that they are truly the most beautiful thing in my life and I think God for my babies.

I deserve BEAUTY in my life!

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