Saturday, April 6, 2013

Birdie and The Monkey
I joined my PTI group for an interim session of meditation and togetherness today.  Usually there is only a month between PTI weekends, but because of a scheduling conflict with the venue, it had to be pushed back, making the wait for our next one two very long months.  Our leaders determined that a mid-way meeting would be beneficial, and were they ever right!  It was just for a few hours this morning, but it was enough of a "snack" to tide me over until the end of the month.

I had a lot of trouble keeping my focus during some of today's work.  There is a term for when your racing thoughts keep distracting you from your meditation, prayer or other work, it is "Monkey Brain."  It can be so very frustrating when I am praying for clarity and meditating on the response...and then suddenly I find myself planning supper and doing fractions.  It has been recommended to me that in these times, recognize and acknowledge the monkey, then turn the thoughts in to little birds.  The birds can then fly up into the trees and make nests.  They are still there and safe, I can still hear them, and I can get to them later when I need them, but they are out of the way for the time being.

At the end of the morning, we did a group hypnotherapy session.  My monkey brain was in full force, and I kept sending birdies into the trees.  As I was getting deeper into the experience, a particular little red bird came to me.  But it was a very odd little bird, because he had a bushy brown push-broom mustache!  I almost laughed out loud as I watched him hop about.  I was focused on my intent for clarity, and I was being bombarded by unhelpful images and feelings, all in the forms of large animals like rhinos and elephants.  This fat little bird was in a tree overhead scolding me, and eventually he came down and hopped around and scolded all of the others back into the mist.

This mustachioed friend was just a tiny little guy.  He hopped about and scolded, and I asked him what his message was.  He then flew up over my head and lifted a gauzy veil off of me.  I didn't regain clarity or strength from the removal of that one thin veil, but the bird was telling me his message clearly.  He said, "I am just a little bird.  I can't lift all of the weight or cloudiness all at once, but I can help you do it one layer at a time.  You will only be free by going one piece at a time."

This is the message I needed to understand.  I have so much weighing on me, and I am trying so hard to throw off my feelings of failure and inadequacy.  The journey is slow, and often what feels like a setback is really just an infinitesimal step forward.  Outwardly, I am frustrated and overwhelmed.  But if I take it one thin layer at a time, eventually clarity will make itself known to me.

And I have a cute little red bird with a bushy mustache to help me along the way.

I deserve BEAUTY in my life!

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