Thursday, July 18, 2013

A Little Hiccup

I haven't written in over a month, and I have missed it greatly.

This blog is a form of journal for me, a way to keep my thoughts straight and figure out what I'm thinking, feeling and learning along the way.

For a while now I have felt lost, a bit confused, and adrift.  My desire to be on a quest for beauty waned somewhat, and I lost sight of it.  Only this week, in conversation with a friend from my PTI, did I realize how much my focus on DESERVING beauty has waned.  I have been feeling weak, ugly, incapable and like a fraud.  It was too embarrassing to think about getting back to writing because I had fallen so far from my original intent.

Even though I know it is somewhat silly, I often find the messages in fortune cookies to be timely.  My favorite was the one I got on December 19, 2007 that said, "Welcome the change coming soon into your life."  I was 8 months pregnant at the time, and my daughter was born about 10 hours later.  That one is pasted in her baby book.

Yesterday, I got one that said, "Functioning superbly comes automatically to you."  I got to thinking about it, and decided it is more of a blessing than a fortune.  You know what?  I can function superbly.  This is encouraging to me.  I've been in a very rough spot, personally and spiritually, but I have been feeling a kind of up-swing this week.  I think I am ready to get back to having my eyes forward, practicing functioning superbly again.

I deserve to function superbly.  I deserve the beauty of functioning well.  I deserve feelings of gratitude for life and its challenges.  I deserve to be on the other side of this funk and get back to beauty.

I deserve BEAUTY in my life!

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